Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Road to Hell

is paved with good intentions.  You've heard this saying, right?  I don't know the origins of the sentiment, but I'm fervently hoping it isn't true or else I am definitely well on my way to more heat than I can handle.  You see, I had the best of intentions for this Christmas. Really, I did.  I planned to give a lot of handmade gifts and spend less.  I even knew what it was I wanted to create. And the gifts would have been beautiful and meaningful to the intended recipients.

Then LIFE happened. (Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans, right?)  Yep, Life. October was busy with work-related travel. I thought I still had plenty of time to figure it out.  I thought I'd get a head start in November. Then I got totally sidelined and sidetracked - by pain.  Started around 11/5.  See My Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day post if you want more details - although honestly, why would you?  So November came and went and NOTHING on that great list of handmade gifts got done.  Ideas have percolated but nothing has entered the production phase.

And here we are - December 1st.  This time last year I had all of my Christmas shopping done and was feeling really good about the upcoming holidays.  And relaxed.  I had it all under control.  It looked like this:

This year I have only just begun the Christmas shopping. Not a single internet order package has arrived (maybe because I haven't ordered anything yet?).  I still don't even have wish lists from my girls.  I just learned yesterday that I will be having physical therapy three times a week for the entire month of December.  That knocks about two hours out of each day that I go.  And looking at all those appointments on my calendar, I suddenly felt stressed, overwhelmed, out of control, and nearing panic mode.  The more I looked at my calendar, the more I realized that something would have to give.  I can admit that I'm not superwoman and I can't do it all. 

Having regrouped and considered my options, I know what is important to me is to have a relaxing holiday where I can be present in the moment and enjoy time with my family.  To do that I need to be able to take care of myself, get through the therapy and get well.  That isn't going to happen if I'm stressed out over creating gifts that I simply don't have time to create.  Especially since a lot of the gift plans involved being at the computer and right now I can't sit for more than thirty minutes at a time. So all of my good intentions have flown out the window and the road to hell is looming large.  I'm going to have to simplify and settle for what I'm able to pull together at this point.  Just Simplify.  Kind of like - just breathe. I know this is what is best for me.  And now I just need to figure out how to make peace with the idea. 


Jan C. said...

lol--I think that saying just means that well-intentioned acts can still have disastrous consequences. You can mean well and still cause a heap of trouble! Or perhaps, as in your case, it means that having all kinds of good intentions and then getting sidetracked leads to guilt, which is a hellish thing!

Breathe in. Breath out!

scrappyjacky said...

The best intention of all is to have a peaceful,relaxing xmas....so concentrate on that....and just forget all the other intentions......there's always another year for them.Hugs to you.

Jocelyn said...

Well its now December 8th, and I still dont have a single present purchased, so I feel your pain!