Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Digging Out From The Depths

My how time flies when you are NOT having fun!  My last post was actually written in advance and auto-posted.  I haven't actually blogged since ... ummm....May 31st?  Back when Jay was still leaving the house to go to work and I was dealing with a loaner computer. :(  Did you miss me?  I suppose not much since I've been reading blogs and commenting on them. Maybe you didn't even notice my absence.

The truth is, I have been struggling.  Sometimes choosing to be happy, choosing to see the opportunity in a challenge or the good in a ridiculously difficult situation is hard.  And sometimes it isn't just hard, it is damn near impossible.

Jay's home now. All the time.  Officially unemployed. My quiet "me" time in the morning is gone. Any ability I had to center myself on my own, in private - gone. I spend free time proof-reading resumes and cover letters and trying to reassure him that everything happens for a reason and it will all work out in the end. And in another week the girls will be out of school and home full time too. I'm dreading Summer in a way I never thought possible.  At the same time, I know I have so so much to be grateful for. I know that I have a roof over my head and food on my table and that won't change no matter how this situation plays out. Sometimes it is hard to comprehend feeling so grateful and yet so overwhelmed in the same breath.

I got "my" computer back on June 2nd, (it actually belongs to my employer) but I'm still trying to get it fully functional again. It has been...well...frustrating. And time consuming.  Between all that and one other little piece of teen drama that I can't even share, I think I've broken down and cried more in the past ten days than I have in the past two or three years. I haven't felt like taking pictures. I haven't kept up with online challenges or classes. Exercising and eating right have fallen by the wayside. I haven't been able to blog. I've written a half dozen or more posts in my head, but actually sitting down to a computer that feels like a stranger to me, and trying to catch you all up with what's been going on... just didn't seem within my capabilities.

You know how when your computer gets "wiped" you lose all those glorious settings and automatic things that you've spent weeks, months, years... setting up and perfecting to make your life easier?

I immediately reinstalled PSE8, but just today figured out how to reinstall my Pioneer Woman Actions.  I seriously can't live without those!  (You can download them from the link). I immediately reinstalled iTunes, Google Reader and my "next" button, my "pin it" button for Pinterest, and my "wish list" button for Amazon.com.  Recreated my email signature.  Turned off that stupid automatic email notification that interrupts you every five minutes.  Put back the desktop wallpaper with the pretty ocean scene.

So why am I not fully functional yet?



  • I still need all my printers installed - only Jay knows how to do that.  Since I lost that before the end of May, I don't have my Best of Days pages printed out.  I NEED them!
  • I need to get the hub working to recognize all my peripherals (monitor, keyboard, trackball mouse - the computer itself is a laptop and not a great workspace for anything digi related).  That requires another call to work, and probably taking the computer back in.
  • The tech at work who wiped my computer forgot to back up my .pst file for my personal Outlook profile.  Luckily I had a back-up here at home... dated June 2, 2010.  Yeah, it's been a year.  So I lost the entire past year worth of email (all those Picture Series class emails, sign on info, taxes, etc.), and contacts and calendar.  By the way if you sent me your contact information (mailing address) in the past year... I NEED YOU TO SEND IT AGAIN.  It's gone.  Email to scrapdreams at verizon dot net.
  • The other thing I "lost" as a result of the computer virus was my ACDSee program and all the photo tagging I've been working at so diligently for the Picture Freedom class.  And all the tagging I had already done of all my digi scrapping supplies.  Hundreds of hours of work.  I'll tell you all the reasons NOT to buy ACDSee in another post.
The good news is that I'm finally back to a place where I can sit here and write a blog post.  Hopefully that means you'll be hearing more from me soon!

17 comments:

Jan C. said...

Really sorry to hear that you are getting hit with all of this stuff at once. {{{Hugs}}}

scrappysue said...

Sorry to hear how tough its all been Cheri; the computer issues alone would have driven me nuts. Sending ((hugs)) from me too.

PS: we live on the 34th floor; scrappy room not big enough for a major sort out.

furrypig said...

good to see you back Cheri, thinking of you at the moment and sending virtual hugs your way. I hope things are improving and we see more of you again soon xxx

helena said...

Virtual hugs beaming your way. I so know what you mean about the imapct of losing accustomed quiet time - jsut having someone else in teh house makes it feel different.

In these hard times, remember to be kind to yourself too and do those things that you need for support - so that you can be there for the others

Amy said...

You've got a lot on your plate at the moment Cheri - thank goodness you are making your way back with the computer - at least it is a small aspect to regular programming for you.
Take care :-)

WendyB said...

Oh Cheri, I understand how you feel, all the uncertainty mixed in with everyday changes that impact upon how you 'feel/cope/operate' yourself. As for the technology - that's always the one that hits us where it hurts isn't it :-) Sending hugs and warm wishes. It WILL all be well in the near future.

Kai said...

Life's curveballs can really make your head spin, can't they? I truly know how easy it is for that curveball to throw you into a funk... my only advice is to just keep swinging. Even if you don't have the heart and power to really smash that ball... just keep swinging. Eventually the energy comes back. Sorry for all the baseball references. Where'd those come from?! I'm always around if you need an ear!! HUGS!

Photographing Mom said...

Major hugs, Cheri!!! Hope everything gets worked out without too much more hassle!

quiltingfool said...

I've missed you a lot! I check your blog several times a day, every day. I want to thank you for putting into words (much better than I could) exactly how I've been feeling for what seems like a lifetime. I occasionally have a good day, but there are a lot more bad ones. The husband home 24/7 is NOT a good thing for most of us. It's something to survive. Unemployed husbands who want to be employed is not a good thing. Even after a year and a half. it's still a bad thing.

You have your work cut out for you, this I know from experience. Hang in there. The good things are still there, just a lot harder to see (now if I can just take my own advice).

Heather said...

Hi Cheri! Wow you certainly hit the bad times didn't you :(
I hope you can 'keep your chin up' and continue to find a space of your own, even if its 10 minutes in the bathroom!!! I know lifes a b**** sometimes xxx

Melissa said...

Oh my Cheri - that is an awful lot at one time. Glad to hear you have your computer back and slowing getting things set back up. It's good to see you post! I'm cheering for you here - we all get knocked down, we just have to get back up and try again. Hang in there girl!

Karen said...

Hi Cheri, so sorry you are going through a tough time. Hope you are able to find a way through it very soon.

Karen said...

Well, no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed and in the depths! Even though I've never met you in person, I know you well enough to know you'll pull through ALL of this, but give yourself time to grieve for Jay's job, your private time, the lost computer data . . . A friend and I were once going through a really rough period in our lives, and we kept reminding ourselves that we still had a lot to be grateful for. One day I realized that even our blessings don't negate our pain. It's there, you need to process it, and it will get better. Take care.

Kelly said...

I'm sorry things have been so rough. Sounds like you're putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes that's the best you can do.

Sian said...

I feel for you Cheri, I really do. And I am hoping very hard that something turns up for your husband very soon.

scrappyjacky said...

Sending you hugs,Cheri.....things will get better.

Cheryl said...

I actually went onto your blog to see if I had missed a post about you being on vacation because I thought it odd when a few days had passed without a number beside your name in my reader. I'm sorry to hear that your absence wasn't due to a better reason. I totally understand, though, as I too retreat from everything when overwhelmed. Some days just getting out of bed is the best to hope for in difficult situations, and you have to allow yourself that time away from your normal routine. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts, and I hope that all gets better soon. (PS. I really love how you made something so beautiful out of a difficult time in your art journal - those quotes are perfect.) *hugs*