Friday, February 5, 2010

Pumping Iron, Self Sabotage, and Saving Grace

It's been a busy few weeks - first preparing for a Board of Directors meeting at work (we only have them three or four times a year and preparing presentations can get stressful), then travelling to a three day conference in Phoenix.  Now I'm home and trying to get back into the normal routine.  Back into my groove.  But I'm feeling overwhelmed with the amount of catching up I need to do - both at home and at work.  Which sounds like it could be the theme of where this post is going, but it's not, as you may have guessed from my witty post title. The overwhelm of catching up I can deal with.  That is just background story to where I am headed. 

Image Source.  The stress of my scale I cannot deal with.  It is not being kind to me.  Okay, honestly what did I expect?  After two weeks of being "too busy" to get to the gym, of provided meals at meetings and conferences, many of which included cocktails... and desserts... which I do not seem to possess the willpower to pass on (seriously can you happily pass on chewy chocolate chip cookies, key lime pie, molten chocolate lava cake with icecream...????), and sitting on my ample behind in meetings all day, what DID I expect?  I got on the scale this morning and it registered a whopping 179.  There, I said it out loud.  Even if I could only bring myself to whisper it.  It is not the highest number I've ever seen, but it certainly isn't a happy number.  So I had a serious heart-to-heart with myself.  "Self," I said, "enough is enough.  Things have got to change around here.  No more excuses."  Now that is tall order for the queen of excuses.  You see, I will use just about any excuse I can to avoid the gym.  Cramps are good to get me out of 3 or 4 days a month.  Bad weather can knock out several more.  Then there is too much work to do, or just being too damn tired.  Well, that about covers the whole month, right? 

At the beginning of this year, I set an intention of losing one pound per month.  It's a very modest number and to most people, would seem quite doable.  In my 30's it was doable and then some.  In fact, I could have easily quadrupled that goal and achieved it.  But in addition to a wealth of excuses to avoid the gym, I'm also dealing with being 48 years old. And all that means with respect to slowing metabolism. And screwed up hormones. Honestly, it is not a fair fight. Since turning 40, my body is resistant to dropping weight and I know (yes, from experience) just how this will go.  The first few pounds will be easy, relatively speaking.  But then I will hit 175 and there the scale will stop.  It won't matter if I spend every day at the gym and practically starve myself.  That is where it will stay.  The low carb diet won't work for me because too much protein causes me to develop kidney stones.  If you have ever had the pleasure, you know that just isn't any fun.  In fact, it has landed me in the hospital twice.  I'm not up for a third time.  And I'm taking it easy at the gym because, heck, I just got past two months of treatment and physical therapy for herniated discs and I don't want to go there again either!  So you'll understand if I am feeling a tad less than optimistic, although I am determined to get moving and stop with the excuses.

Today started off well enough.  Having made up my mind that no excuses would be accepted, I did, in fact, get myself to the gym.  I did twenty minutes on the treadmill (1 mile) which caused some twinges down my left leg, but no back pain.  I did the weight training machines on the circuit that I can safely do without further injuring my back.  Yep, pumping iron.  You go girl.  I did some back exercises from therapy and some stretching.  It was a good workout.  I finished just about noon.  Hopped in the car and headed to the grocery store.  We're supposed to get a foot of snow tonight so I needed to get bread, milk, etc.  But on the way to the store I discovered I was HUNGRY.  So hungry, in fact, that I was shaking.  You know that feeling, right?  Yeah, the dreaded treadmill will do that to you.  So I drove myself straight to McDonalds and ordered a double cheeseburger and small fries.  I know, I know...self-sabotage at it's best.  My only saving grace was that I did not order a coke to go with it.  I had some water left from my workout. 

All I can say for myself at this point is, well, tomorrow is another day.  And ultimately, the damn scale will not prevail.  I will.  So instead of beating myself up, I'll leave you with my most recent layout from Design Your Life Class:

Credits:  Papers from Carrie Stephens "Spontaneous Delight" kit; Swirl from Jessica Sprague.

The point of this lesson was to leave "white space" - something which I am not particularly good at.  White space doesn't have to be white, the teal background without elements counts as white space.  I still need to try one of those layouts where it is all white space with just a cluster of elements in one corner.... some day.....      


scrappyjacky said...

You must be telepathic...because I could definately have written this post myself....I recognize every word you've written....though for me it would have been a cake, not a McDonalds.
But, thank you, because it is a timely reminder to me to stop making excuses, and get on with it!!!

Sian said...

Oh, I know it's not funny; but I did enjoy reading your post today :) Great writing. Best of luck with your goalx

humel said...

Don't you beat yourself up, hun! Good luck with it - and I agree with Sian, I enjoyed reading your post :-)

PS Great layout x

Jan C. said...

Hey, I wonder if you might enjoy a video I recently found that I am loving. It's so easy for me to convince myself to do this particular workout in the morning, because it takes only about 20 min., it gets me warmed up and makes me feel so energetic as my day starts. And I feel like it's really awesome for keeping my spine flexible. You don't even need to wear any special workout clothes or anything. Most of it is done while sitting on your floor! The reason I'm suggesting it is that it makes me feel like I'm doing something good for myself every single time I do it, and I suspect it is helping to get my metabolism revved up.

Here's a link, in case you want to check it out. It's not a workout at the gym by any means, but it's a step in the right direction!

quiltingfool said...

I do so relate! that has been my whole life, the constant battle with the weight, and now, even the herniated discs, which now seems to be my fate as well. But one thing about it, my appetite has been depressed and I've lost 5 lbs and kept it off. that takes me DOWN to 178 lbs argghhhhhh! But I've done that without even moving, much less exercising! Sometimes I think we should just accept that we are figting generations of fat genes and stop trying, but at 67, I still can't seem to stop wishing to be thin! Hang in there...maybe in your lifetime they'll invent a skinny pill!

Cheryl said...

I love your layout! I can't wait to get to the white space assignment (something I'm also not good at)... I'm so far behind in DYL! You have a great attitude - you WILL beat the scale. We're cheering you on! :)