My 500th Post - Meet My Inner Critic

I've been blogging since October 2, 2008 - nearly 3 years. But I haven't always been a prolific blogger - and definitely not an every day without fail blogger.

But here I am today, nearly three years later, publishing my 500th post.  And if you are someone who likes to do the math, you'll quickly figure out that 500 posts over just shy of three years comes out to just about one post for every two days. And wow! That surprised me. I didn't expect it to be that high.

So how can I mark my 500th post?  What can I do to make this one special? Honestly, I wasn't coming up with anything exciting. Nothing seemed good enough. I tossed aside ideas about polls. And lists of 500 things. And then I realized... my Inner Critic was being loud and obnoxious and I just needed to hush her up. So for my 500th post I'm introducing you to my Inner Critic. And then, just to spite her, I'm doing a fabulous giveaway.  So keep reading!

I've been aware of my Inner Critic for a long, long time. I think most of us are. But I never really took the time to get to KNOW her until recently. I've been reading a book called Journal Spilling by Diana Trout (I did not realize until I was reading the book, she actually lives about 45 minutes from me.)  In her book, Diana introduces her Inner Critic - a short skinny geek with ugly bug glasses who wears his pants too short and his tie too tight. He's a very cartoonish fellow named Stewie. The lesson Diana offers is that when you get to really know your Inner Critic, you take away his/her power.

My Inner Critic is nothing like Diana's.  First off, she's decidedly female. She is 5'6" (the exact height I always want to be but never reached) and physically fit and toned. She wears the classic never-goes-out-of-style clothing and always looks polished and put together. She never leaves the house without makeup on. She never looks frumpy.

We share an affinity for good food, but she is satisfied with a bite or two whereas I am a certified card-carrying member of the clean plate club.

She is the kind of woman who keeps an immaculate home, makes a living, is a supportive spouse and loving mother, yet still finds time for creative pursuits, and does it all with flair and makes it look easy.  You know... the kind of woman you love to hate?

And because this is all natural to her, she expects it to be natural to me as well.  She scoffs at my awkwardness and discomfort in social situations. She reacts with total scorn at my sticky kitchen floors and cluttered counters. In fact, she is really quite judgmental.  Nothing I do is ever good enough for her. You see, we also share a complete lack of tolerance for incompetence and laziness... and she considers me to be both.  (if you've ever watched the show The Gilmore Girls, she's eerily similar to the character Emily Gilmore as played by Kelly Bishop - see what I mean?)

Honestly, her whole "Martha Stewart" persona and "holier than thou" attitude are quite annoying. In fact, as I've thought more about her, I realized there is nothing AUTHENTIC about her whatsoever. She's just a construct of societal expectations and consumerism. The perfect middle-aged woman of 2011. A total phony. And she's doing her best to peddle her wares on me.  Thing is, I've decided I'm not buying it anymore. It is time to tell my Inner Critic to stuff a sock in it and kick her to the curb!

My no make-up, yoga pants and tee look is far more authentic. My messy home speaks of the real life and real activities happening here. The fact that I am too busy to clean obsessively - I guess that is a good thing!

To celebrate my 500th post AND the occasion of me finally telling my Inner Critic to shut the hell up, I'm offering a give-away!  One lucky blog reader will receive a mixed media canvas art from me (on a canvas panel which can be framed or used as is) designed specifically for the winner.  My Inner Critic is yapping away that nobody would really want my "art," it isn't good enough, the winner will surely be disappointed, blah, blah, blah.  I've firmly clapped my hands over my ears and am singing "la, la, la, la, la, I can't hear you!" at the top of my lungs.  I'm taking the chance and I'm going to do this!

If you would like to participate, please leave a comment telling me your happy color(s), any favorite quote or saying you have, or any other hints that might provide me with inspiration for your piece!  I will choose a winner on Friday, August 26th from all the entries received by then.