Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Real Me

Where do I begin? I've kept quiet that I've been taking an online course called "Unravelling" with Susannah Conway. Why? Because the course was just for me and I knew I wouldn't be sharing any of my work for the course on my blog.

The course is now officially over and it was a fantastic and eye-opening journey.  I am much more comfortable now with the face I see when I look in the mirror.  This layout is my final take on what I learned from my journey. I had no problem sharing it with course participants, but feel a little hesitant about sharing it here on my blog. And yet, I think it is a necessary part of my growth and unravelling. 

I was struck as I thought about "Who is the real me?" by the dichotomy I saw in myself. One minute bold, brash, ready to change the world, the next timid, hesitant, afraid of rejection and ridicule. The play of self-assuredness against self-doubt. The willingness to be out there and be real versus the serious longing to just hide behind anonymity.

I feel certain, deep down in my bones, that this is a universal human experience. That we all come to grips with who we are and what our purpose in the world is at different times and in different ways. I'm still struggling, still figuring it out. Still trying to remember that I am worthy even when my immediate world is telling me in no uncertain terms that I am only the doormat I don't want to be. I know I am so much more than that.

I'm beginning to find the courage to acknowledge the artist in me. To not allow myself to be held down and held back by others who don't see that beauty, that yearning, that spirit. The brash me wants to go shout it from the rooftops and mountain tops - I AM ENOUGH!!! I AM AN ARTIST!!!  But I'm only just beginning to find that courage. I'm still protecting that tender and tentative artist in me. I'm afraid in so many ways to expose her to those I am closest to - afraid that they won't understand, or worse yet, that they will scoff and call me silly. Which would undoubtedly send her right back into hiding. I'm letting her come out to play, here on my blog, where she feels safe and secure. In this virtual world, where only friends with kind hearts and open minds come to visit.  In a way it is sad that she feels more secure here than she feels in her real-world environment.  But I know you will understand. Some of you may even relate. I love you. My artist loves you. Thank you for creating being a part of my safe world.

14 comments:

Lee Currie said...

WHOOT! Brilliant! So glad you enjoyed the course. It really is wonderfully insightful and so glad you found the journey worth taking :) Looking forward to the true unveiling of the artist within.

Susannah Conway said...

you are SOOOOO enough! you are a shining light, love, and it's been an honour to see you unravel :) xx

Amy said...

Yes! You are enough :-) Cheri this is really one of the most beautiful things I have ever read and it more than strikes a chord with me. I'm so glad that you found this class and enjoyed it so much - it sounds wonderful. Thank you for being so brave - I certainly appreciate what you have written today :-)

Karen said...

What a beautiful and heartfelt post, Cheri! I can relate to much of what you said, and I'm glad to read a bit about this class. I've heard about it, but haven't known anyone who took it.

Gina said...

So glad that you decided to post this! You are enough!

Christi said...

Love this! :)

scrappyjacky said...

This is such a wonderful post,Cheri...and feel very honoured to be able to read it.What you say must touch a chord with many of us....and has certainly made me think.I'm so glad you found the course so valuable....and love your final LO.

debs14 said...

What a wonderful post Cheri. You've touched on so many thoughts and feelings that we all share.

Carrie said...

Great post! Thanks for opening up and sharing!

humel said...

Cheri, this is an *amazing* post. God bless you for sharing it xx

quiltingfool said...

You have always been "enough", and I'm glad you are finally realizing it. Sounds like you've done an incredible amount of soul searching, and like what you found. Wonderful! I was about your age when I began my own search. It's really a lifetime process. Thanks for sharing.

Patti said...

congratulations! I'm 50-ish and I hope one day to be as brave and real as you are in this post. yay for you!

Kelly said...

Love this, Cheri. You are enough. You ARE enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH. And so beautiful and talented and smart. You inspire me.

Sian said...

Cheri, this is fantastic! Absolutely one of the best posts I have read in a long time (and I've been doing a lot of reading and catching up!). You are more than enough x