October Travels - Part One

As many of you know, I spent more of October "on the road" than at home.  My first trip was to Boise ID, Kingman AZ, and Las Vegas NV.

 My trip to Boise was work related. I spent three days in meetings and presentations in a Convention Center. I didn't see much of the town except the two-block area between my hotel and the Convention Center, hence no photos. But here's one of the Boise airport at 4:30 a.m. as I was arriving to make my very early flight to meet Jay in Vegas. Really hoppin' place!

 Jay and I met up at the Vegas airport, rented a car, and hit the road. First stop, the Hoover Dam. You can't get the whole thing in one photo. We did the tour - it really is a marvel of engineering and a LOT of hard labor. After the Hoover Dam, we made the drive to Kingman where we were spending the night. A whole lot of nothing to see on the way there. Day Two we were up early and headed to the Grand Canyon West Rim.

 On the way there we saw a LOT of these trees. I instagrammed a photo captioned "weird scrubby cactus trees."  Deb was able to correct me and let me know that these are in fact called Joshua Trees. And apparently they are a form of cacti.

The landscape other than the primitive looking Joshua trees was very barren and desolate. For miles and miles and miles. And I have to tell you that honestly, Jay and I were wondering what we had gotten ourselves into. Because of the U.S. Government shut down, the National Parks were closed. So our planned trip to the Grand Canyon National Park was quickly changed to a trip to the West Rim, land owned by the Hualapai Indians.

But as we learned, sometimes the best trips are the ones that aren't planned out to the smallest detail in advance.

 Can you imagine our surprise when we saw this wild coyote just standing at the side of the road? We pulled over to take photos (from the safety of the car, on the other side of the road) and the coyote just looked at us as if to say "what's up dudes?" It didn't run, just stood it's ground and pretty much ignored us. We also saw free range cattle. But not much else.

 We finally made it to the West Rim and hopped the tour bus to the first stop - Eagle Point. And this was the view. It is called Eagle point because the rock formation from about 1/3 in on the left to the halfway point of the photo looks like an eagle with outstretched wings. The Hualapai consider this ground sacred. After miles and miles of open scrubby flat desert, the first view of the Canyon was really something else.

 The Canyon at the West Rim is not the "big hole in the ground" I was expecting to see. Rather it is a series of sheer cliff faces with a valley running through them carved out by years and years of erosion from the Colorado River running through. And it is like nothing I've ever seen before.

 The highlight of our day was when we decided at the last minute (literally - we got one of the last helicopters of the day) to take a helicopter tour. After swooping along the sides of the cliffs, we (along with two other people) were dropped off at this landing site. From which we walked down a very steep path and lot of stairs to reach the river.

 Where we hopped a boat and took a ride down the Colorado River.  See that bit of brown to the left of the photo? That shows where the level of the Colorado River has dropped 14 feet in the last 20 years. A combination of not enough snow/rain coming down the mountain and the people of California, Nevada, and Arizona pumping the river for water for drinking, irrigation, and basic needs. I wonder how much longer that can last?

You can see the water level drop in this photo as well, on the right.

We thought we would be at West Rim a couple of hours. We were there ALL day! It was beautiful and I'm glad we had the opportunity to go.

The next day our plans were to drive "Highway 66" - we made from Kingman to Peach Springs before we were bored out of our minds. Seriously nothing to see in that area. So we turned around and headed to an abandoned mine town called Chloride that we had seen advertised in a number of brochures.  Well, Chloride was a total bust too! Everything was closed. The saloon style restaurant, the antique shop, the artist shop ... all CLOSED. The only thing in town that was open was the general store. Very touristy junky stuff.

So we gave up and headed back to Las Vegas.

 Pulling into the Las Vegas area, you could see the town enveloped in a yellowish cloud - dust? smog? Not sure. But it wasn't pretty!

 One of the casinos - New York, New York from the outside - made to look like a bit of the city (it totally doesn't). Las Vegas is one casino after another, all themed, mostly gaudy. And lots and lots and lots of people. The lights, the press of humanity, the blinking, dinging, smoky casino floors... as we walked around, Jay and I agreed that we just didn't get the attraction.

 While in Vegas, we saw two shows - first up was the Blue Man Group. Awesome! Loved every minute and would highly recommend anyone to see this if they ever have the opportunity.

And David Copperfield. The magician. The show was really well done - but Jay and I have watched way too many documentaries on how the magicians do this stuff. So I found myself spending the whole time trying to analyze how the tricks were done rather than suspending disbelief and just enjoying the show. Sometimes too much pragmatism isn't a good thing! :)

All in all, Jay and I very much enjoyed our little getaway and are looking forward to the opportunity to travel together again. We loved Grand Canyon West Rim and would still like to see the Grand Canyon National Park again someday. We thoroughly enjoyed the shows, but agree that neither of us needs to visit Vegas again.

I hope to be back tomorrow with Part Two of my October travels.

Thirty Days of Thankful - Week Two

I'm participating in Cathy Zielske's "30 Days of Thankful" during the month of November.  I'll be using the Friday link-up day to post my pages.  

For these pages, I used Cathy's templates (available at Designer Digitals) along with papers and elements from Gobble On and Autumn Days (available at Sweet Shoppe Designs). I'll be using this same group through-out the month.

caught and fixed the typo, but Blogger won't let me upload the new version! argh.

With Heartfelt Gratitude

Many thanks to all of my blog friends who left a kind word or thought when I was feeling hurt, confused, ashamed, and upset. It really helps sometimes to know you aren't the only one who has struggled with an issue in your life!

I'm in a much better place now, having learned more about myself in the process, having let go of some things I have no control over, having taken a good look at my own circle of influence and where I can (and need to) make changes. Having reached this point, life feels crazy good again.

Thanks so much for being here for me.

On Photo Walks And Messy Thoughts

I've noticed lately that my blog has become all about my art and memes and classes and I want to get back to the real me occasionally. But this post seems like such a downer in some ways, that I decided to break it up with some shots of a recent photo walk on a glorious Autumn day. Believe me, I hesitated about hitting the publish button! If you don't want to get into the messy stuff, just scroll through and enjoy the photos! :)

Have you ever had a day where you couldn't do or say anything right to save your life? A day where everything you did (regardless of how well-intentioned) failed to have the effect you were hoping for? A day where everything you said just came out wrong?  I experienced just such a day recently.  A day punctuated by three distinct interactions that left me feeling raw and vulnerable, the shame storm in full gale, swirling violently around my head, my inner critic screaming in my ear about being stupid, thoughtless, selfish, negative, a total fraud. 

seasonal outdoor decorations

Initially I wanted to come here to cry on the shoulders of my blog friends, to wail and whine about how unfair life can be and how misunderstood I am. But I allowed myself the entire weekend to lean into the discomfort and pain and see what I could learn from it. I tried to calm myself with the thought that I am human, flawed, I make mistakes. But my inner critic wasn't having it. She was still convinced that I was a fraud and busily whispering screaming negative thoughts in my ear. I leaned harder. I didn't retreat to frantically cleaning the house (my usual mode of numbing the pain of emotions I can't handle) or eating excessive amounts of sugar-laden treats. I didn't go on a rant about not being understood or appreciated.

In the first interaction, I was told that while I profess to be a positive and caring person, in reality I’m so NOT. That statement, coming from someone whose opinion does matter very deeply to me, cut me to the quick. It stung.  I’m sure that it was intended to hurt.  I wanted to rage and get self-righteously angry and deny. But at that very moment I shut up. I took it in. I shoved it back so I could deal with it later. And later came. And I found myself asking:  Am I really being selfish? Am I really NOT a positive person? 

covered bridge reflected in the water

The second interaction had me questioning my parenting and the line drawn between running to the rescue (no child was actually in any kind of crisis) and setting boundaries for my own self-care.  Is it selfish to deny a child’s want (not need) in favor of meeting my own desire for some down time and a full weekend at home? Am I a bad mother?

hanging on

In the final interaction, I thoughtlessly crossed a line with a friend. Something I considered harmless wasn’t. I did my best immediately to repair the damage, but once you’ve crossed a line, can it be un-crossed?  

I know there are two sides to every story, two sides to this debate. I am not selfish for wanting to do something that brings me great joy.  By the same token, I am self-less enough to put that very thing on the back burner and wait because that is what will make the other person happy. But I can’t help but wonder if the other person sees this in me at all???

fallen leaves

I have come to the conclusion that SOME of the charges leveled at me had merit. I did cross a line where I might have known better had I paused a moment to think it through. And  I will admit that I do complain too much. It is my default mode sometimes. I whine about little stuff.  Stuff that in the overall scheme of things doesn’t matter at all. Stuff that I can’t control – like the weather. What is the point of complaining about it? It just makes me sound like a negative Nelly. I keep catching myself at it and trying to stop myself.  I'm working on it.

tall grass against the sky

On the other hand, I know in my heart that I am generally a positive person.  I try hard to see the good, the light. I do not dwell on the past or borrow trouble for the future.  The charges leveled at me have not convinced me that I am truly selfish. I know I am not self-less either. I'm somewhere in between. I just need to figure out if I have the balance right.

creek by the walking path

Do you feel this tug in your life? How do you know when you have struck the right balance? 

A Quote For Sunday

When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there.

George Harrison

Thirty Days of Thankful - Week One

I'm participating in Cathy Zielske's "30 Days of Thankful" during the month of November.  I'll be using the Friday link-up day to post my pages.  

For these pages, I used Cathy's templates (available at Designer Digitals) along with papers and elements from Gobble On and Autumn Days (available at Sweet Shoppe Designs). I'll be using this same group through-out the month.

And finally, my Quote for Friday:

"One cannot reflect in streaming water. Only those

who know internal peace can give it to others."

~ Lao Tzu

*with many thanks to the few notes ending from Deb for the inspiration in formatting this post!

Storytelling Sunday - My Precious 11

So what is in my beautiful hope chest?  One thing you will find in there are baby clothes, carefully wrapped in acid-free tissue...

Although all my girls are officially now "twenty-somethings," I still have these remnants of their newborn days. The outfits in which we brought each of them home from the hospital.

In the center is Sarah's outfit. Being born at the end of June, a summery little bubble suit was appropriate. Being a new mother, I thought "dress up" was required. Honestly, that was a woven, not a knit, so I can't imagine it was all that comfortable. But hey, in my defense, I didn't make her wear it all that long.

Here's Sarah in that outfit for her hospital picture at just three days old:

Rachel and Becca were born in September, at a time when the temperature in this area is quite variable. And as I was a more "experienced" mother, I was all about comfort and ease of dressing rather than "dress up" by then. Becca wore the little sleeper on the left, Rachel the one on the right. Since there is nothing in the photo to give you a size reference, let me tell you these two were little. Becca came home weighing 4 lbs, 11 oz and fitting only preemie size clothing. In fact, the only thing that fit her properly was a sleeper we took off a cabbage patch doll! For the first few weeks I called her "peanut" or "Little Roo." Thankfully neither of those nicknames stuck. Rachel was 5 lbs, 11 oz, but even that seemed tiny to me as Sarah had been just shy of 8 lbs at birth.  My girls were swimming in these outfits when we brought them home.

Here they are at just over two weeks old:

Rachel is on the left, Becca on the right, and the little sleepers are still a little too big on them. No worries. By the time they were about three months old, they had caught up to their peers in size and Rachel had put on enough baby fat to make those worried-old-lady-wrinkles on her forehead disappear. In fact, this picture isn't a good indicator of her personality as truthfully she was the happiest, most easy-going of my babies.

I have no idea why I'm still hanging onto the baby clothes or what I will ever do with them - I once had plans to scrapbook them but can no longer find the plastic "shadow box" style page protectors I was going to put them in. I know they were on the market once - 12x12, about 1/4" thick, front and back snapped together, with a binder edge with holes that would fit in a post-bound album. But I haven't seen them in years. So in the meantime, those outfits remain wrapped up in protective tissue in the hope chest, a poignant reminder of my life twenty-something years ago. 

This post is written as part of Sian's Storytelling Sunday. But before you hop over to see what everyone else is sharing, do tell me... have you saved baby clothing? What do you plan to do with it?